Work Transition Checkpoint: Almost 9 Months In (a Checkpoint of Truths)

[Warning: It's long and it's real. I spill; there's no sugar-coating here.]

The last few months of my work transition journey have been coloured with action, many steps outside of my comfort zone, much needed rest, joyful disbelief at the prospect of being paid to do such fulfilling work, and frustration at the fact that it's still a "prospect" at this point in time and not yet reality.

I'm dealing with questions related to my relationship with money, independence and marriage, and vulnerability. I expected the money issues to crop up (they did a long time ago), but I wasn't ready for the rest.

This checkpoint is an honest, raw braindump of transition-related "truths", as they stand today:

~ Truth is, by focusing on my dream of creating work that supports the life I want to live, we're putting D.'s dream of home ownership on hold. Truth is, I feel guilty about that.

~ Truth is, I want to own a home too. Maybe even that funky 1950s one with the vaulted ceiling, oodles of natural light, greenhouse and faux pine-panelled "conservatory"; the one that I noticed about a month ago, that D. noticed this week, listed at a lower price. Truth is, until I bring in revenue, it's most likely not going to happen (but I'm open to options, Universe!).

~ Truth is, I still believe - perhaps naively - that one dream doesn't have to come at the expense of the other. It may just be a question of timing; I'm a little impatient, that's all. Patience isn't one of my fortes.

~ Truth is, I'm a little disappointed at the speed at which I am working. I'm a slow, methodical worker - also sometimes known as a perfectionist, which means I don't "ship out" very quickly. I want to experiment with quicker production. I am not afraid to work hard at a sustainable capacity.

I could always take up the bagpipe...

~ Truth is, I'm still proud of all the things I did produce this year: a mailing list with consistent mailouts, a Monthly Planning Kit (sign up for the mailing list and it's yours, FREE!), a Facebook page, a pilot workshop called Creating Intentional Spaces, twice-a-week blog posts, consultations on workshop planning and key content messaging for presentations, beta consultations for my upcoming Get Clear, Get Moving offerings, new artwork and a renewed online shop, the basic structure of a new website (coming soon), specific money and marketing goals, a guest post here and a new regular contribution here, and deeper relationships with kindreds who are on a similar journey. I write this not to boast, but to acknowledge how far I've come. It's how I give myself the encouragement that I need.

~ Truth is, I can't wait to get to work in the morning. I love what I'm doing. I also love working from home and having the flexibility to set my own work hours.

~ Truth is, I want to make this work. Really badly. On some days I waver in my belief that it can be done; luckily on most, I'm optimistic.

~ Truth is, I don't know how it's all going to turn out and when I stop to think about it, that makes me very uncomfortable. So I continue plugging away and doing whatever I can do that's within my control. I also practice faith. It doesn't always come easily.

~ Truth is, it's a fine line between acknowledging the lows and what they're trying to tell me, and dwelling on them. Thankfully, I bounce back much faster than I did even six months ago. Much, much faster.

~ Truth is, I get excited at the thought of all the projects I want to make real! And I do believe many of them have the potential to create revenue. This excites me even more.

~ Truth is, this is one of the deepest personal learning experiences since my divorce. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

~ Truth is, I think I am worthy of work that fulfills me and allows me to live a life that is rich (not just financially), healthy and meaningful. I will give this transition everything I've got.

~ Truth is, I think you're worthy of it too.

On Owning Our Words...

 

setting up for the interview, view from the interviewee's chair

"My name is Stephanie Guimond. I'm a painter, I'm an ar... I'm an artist, I'm an all-around creative person."

The first words I spoke for our interview.

~~~

During the past week I've been the subject of an artist profile, working with a local film student on his mini-documentary assignment. Last Friday was the interview portion.

Going in I was more nervous about my physical appearance during the interview than my answers. The last time I saw myself on film was at a community event and I cringed at the spastic-looking facial expressions that happened when I spoke (y'all are so polite, nobody's ever told me!).

To make a long story short, the interview went well and I responded to the filmmaker's questions calmly and with ease.

I saw some rough footage this morning and even the facial expressions aren't too bad, though mental note: looking straight into the camera is a more flattering angle for me than looking up - which I tend to do often when I'm thinking and answering questions on the fly.

What dawned on me after the interview was how irrevocable my words and thoughts were now that they were captured on film and witnessed by another in such an intimate one-on-one fashion, how I could no longer disown them.

Scary and power-full.

I decided then & there to start owning my words whether captured on film or not. It's time to live them, believe them and acknowledge their validity.

I guess I better choose and use them wisely.

"The more she spoke her words, the more she grew into them."

post-interview piece, prints available in the shop

~~~

What kind of words do you use daily? Are they mostly positive? Negative?

What if the more you spoke them the more you grew into them, would you choose them differently?

Thoughts on Uncertainty and Reclaiming Our Energy

"If we can shift our uncertainty, our not-knowing, into an adventure, how wonderful that would be. Even if things go wrong, we would always be the seeker rather than the victim."

~ Susan Jeffers, Embracing Uncertainty

With impending cuts to one of the city's largest employers and my own work transition, uncertainty seems to be a prevalent topic these days with worry and fear as its gloomy sidekicks.

Frankly, it's bumming me out and draining me dry.

Tired of feeling weighty I'd like to propose an alternative:

What if instead of tying up our energy with the worry and what-ifs that come with uncertainty, we re-directed it to the possible and the what-we-can-dos?

Even just a bit would make a difference, non?

My intent here is not to make light of any fears or worries that are valid and real when faced with the unknown (I'm the first one to admit that constructively dealing with uncertainty is not my forte). My intent is to see if there's a way to reclaim the energy we sink into these fears - a way to reclaim our power.

Uncertainty has a bad rap, many of us are trained to fear it instead of turning it around and seeking its potential. I'd love to see that change.

In the end we may not be able to choose our fate, but we can choose to funnel our energy toward something that leaves us feeling empowered instead of anxious.

What would that look like for you?

Dearest April

experimenting with figure and line, 18"x24" on canvas

a work in progress inspired by Matisse's nudes

Dearest March,

I don't know what to make of you. You were full, but not of planned actions like your cohorts January and February.

You were full of inner conflicts, fear and uncertainty. That was pretty heavy.

You were full of friends, family and celebration. That was cool.

You were full of art and creativity, of time at the easel and a renewed passion for experimenting with subject, line and colour. I am grateful.

You were full of discovery. I feel enlightened.

Despite a deliberate absence of to-do lists you were full of behind-the-scenes and not so behind-the-scenes work on income streams. I feel somewhat productive.

March I chose to let you unfold and you were all over the place, dragging a reluctant me with you. You were a conundrum with no answer, pushing me to get comfortable with the question though not very successfully.

Much as I try I don't really know what to make of you. You just were.

I'm OK with that.

Warmest wishes,

Steph

~~~

Dearest April,

March kicked my ass. Please be gentle.

Sincerely,

Steph

Red Delicious

work in progress under the sun, 8"x8" on wood panel

I'm in the midst of transition, I feel it. For the first time in years February is being good to me, bringing no major blahs but a renewed energy.

My heart and mind are full. Thoughts, dreams, fears and ideas abound. Multiple projects exist in various states of completion. Part of me is afraid of spreading myself too thin yet another part of me refuses to let trepidation get in the way, determined to see where it all leads. Curiosity and action.

I feel an urge to reinvent - or maybe simply realign - myself in preparation for a new chapter, just like I did post-divorce (those who've been there you know what I'm talking about!).

It feels big and good and I'm up for it.

It's all-encompassing. It's red delicious.