Red Delicious

work in progress under the sun, 8"x8" on wood panel

I'm in the midst of transition, I feel it. For the first time in years February is being good to me, bringing no major blahs but a renewed energy.

My heart and mind are full. Thoughts, dreams, fears and ideas abound. Multiple projects exist in various states of completion. Part of me is afraid of spreading myself too thin yet another part of me refuses to let trepidation get in the way, determined to see where it all leads. Curiosity and action.

I feel an urge to reinvent - or maybe simply realign - myself in preparation for a new chapter, just like I did post-divorce (those who've been there you know what I'm talking about!).

It feels big and good and I'm up for it.

It's all-encompassing. It's red delicious.

On revisiting core beliefs...

"A decision is a conclusion based on everything you believe about yourself."

~ A Course in Miracles

~~~

I stood in a lineup outside my grade two homeroom. I wore my sister's hand-me-down faux leopard fur coat and matching hat. I felt pretty and glam!

Then one of the older boys in the line next to me looked me over with disdain and called me a showoff with my "fur coat"; another threw in that we were rich because we lived in a house made of brick, also with disdain.

Then & there I decided that dressing well and being rich - or the semblance of - meant being scorned. If I wanted to belong I was to lay low and commiserate. I was six years old.

Fast forward to this past Saturday. That's when this memory came up, 33 years later.

~~~

During the past few weeks I've been working through Barbara Stanny's Overcoming Underearning and I've encountered several similar scenes like the one above, all of them forming core beliefs related to money, how much is enough and how it's supposed to be earned (in case you're wondering, it's to be earned through toil and unhappiness).

I find this utterly fascinating. Who knew I was so impressionable?

Thankfully, when it comes to core beliefs it's entirely within our power to change them when they no longer serve us.

So one by one I am. Thirty-three years later. And it feels wonderful.

When Work and Play Intermingle (A Post of Gratitude)

 

desk buddies Frida, Einstein and Barbabeau

they witness it all: work, play and everything in between

I never thought work and play becoming one would confuse me so.

I'm taking an online course, learning new technical information nearly every day, discovering a whole new field and supply of resources. I'm putting ideas out there and embracing feedback, eager to make their presentation better. I'm working my way through limiting core beliefs so they can limit me no more.

I'm designing, communicating, reading, reflecting, floundering, fearing, shrinking, expanding, discovering, building, wondering, scheming, planning, experimenting, producing, bemoaning, rejoicing... and loving every minute of it!

OK maybe I could do without the tears, but even they have their place and I'm grateful for their message. But really, maybe it's time to breathe a little? Play?

What if work is play?

These past several weeks I've felt like everything has morphed into one big whole that makes me feel vibrant and alive. But surely one must rest even from play to stay fresh?

This intermingling of work and play is new to me and I'm not sure how to handle it to make it - and the rest of my life - sustainable. In the meantime though, what I do know is that I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to even ask myself the question.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's Saturday night; it's time to switch playmates and enjoy some quality time with my home peeps. D., Cassie and the couch await...

You (Yes You), Well Done!

She Donned Flowers, work in progress, 8"x8" on canvas

"The process of life's work planning can be defined, in a general sense, as creating a picture of the world you want to live in and then organizing your energies into building it. ... The true idealist is no dewy-eyed dreamer but a committed foot soldier in the cause of his vision."

~ Laurence G. Boldt, author of Zen and the Art of Making a Living

Slowly but surely, each day we rally our energies and build - work, health, relationships... Each one of us a committed foot soldier in the cause of our vision.

Let's give ourselves a collective pat on the back, shall we? I think it's well-deserved.

Work Transition Checkpoint: 10 Weeks In

my Frida-lined whiteboard waiting for action

Has it only been 10 weeks? Time is playing tricks on me, I feel like it's been much longer than that. Here's what's been going on...

~~~

I just got back from a visit with my former colleagues at the office. I miss the peeps - the work not so much - but the peeps yes. Much.

~~~

Disillusionment hit me one Tuesday night mid-December, about six weeks after my last day at work.

D. and I were looking at our finances and discussing some long term goals that would require, well, money, and it dawned on me that I would have no paycheck coming in anytime soon to help us out.

In that moment I felt I would be the entire reason we would never own a home, buy a new car or go to Paris. Never mind having or feeding a family! My heart broke and my faith in my ability to bring in any income without a government paycheck crumpled to depths I still cannot fathom.

Disillusionment sucks.

Luckily, after sufficient tears and self-flagellation, the moment passed quickly enough and I looked to see what it had to offer. A kick in the pants is what it offered. Motivation. Action baby! The Universe let me know that it was time to take this thing seriously and make it count.

How lucky for me it hit at the six-week mark, imagine how much time would've been lost had it waited six months.

~~~

With disillusionment - or at least that first bout of it - out of the way I'm totally pumped. I'm cranking out bubble charts, notes and to-do lists. I'm getting specific with money targets and other business goals I want to achieve.

My goals for January are pretty ambitious, but I'm having a blast working on projects that make my soul sing. I can't wait to get up in the morning and start working on them. I'm getting. things. done.

That's pretty frickin' cool.

~~~

I've been walloped a few times by what I call the Trifecta of Gremlins: guilt, inadequacy and fear. After a particularly difficult sucker-punch I picked myself up, took pen to paper (ok it was keyboard to screen), and countered with what I dubbed the Trifecta of Possibility: a list of skills, assets and potential revenue streams. Take THAT gremlins.

I might dedicate an entire post to this one.

~~~

My morning routine so far: wake up, drink a glass of water, breakfast, coffee #1 + wool blanket + my Morning Pages, coffee #2 + maybe some reading or a bit of social networking, planning for the day, write or work on fun projects.

Yup. It's all good.

~~~

Till the next checkpoint...